Why You Feel Like a Sentient Beanbag Might Be a Vitamin Problem

Shai Amar

17 Apr 2025 • 19 min read

In this slightly overenthusiastic but very evidence-based guide to vitamins and minerals, we unpack what these tiny nutrients actually do, why your body can’t function without them, and how to get them without panic-buying supplements. With a tone somewhere between your favorite science teacher and John Cleese having a philosophical crisis about spinach, we cover everything from immune health to why your pee glows after B vitamins.

This is your crash course in micronutrient wisdom—with jokes, science, and a healthy dose of sarcasm. Your mitochondria will thank you.

A Slightly Overly Enthusiastic But Deeply Honest Introduction to Vitamins and Minerals

Let’s start with a confession: I used to think vitamins were something you got from orange juice when you had a cold, and minerals were mostly just... rocks? Maybe salt? Certainly nothing I needed to worry about. And then I grew up. And also I Googled things. And also I talked to some actual doctors.

It turns out that vitamins and minerals aren’t just a marketing ploy invented by the supplement industry (although, yes, there’s some of that too). They are, quite literally, microscopic compounds that stand between you and your nervous system unraveling like a badly made sweater.

This guide isn’t about fear-mongering or throwing multivitamins at every problem like confetti at a wedding. It’s about understanding. What these micronutrients do. Why you need them. How to get them (preferably without panic-purchasing seventeen bottles of Vitamin D).

We’ll explore the difference between fat-soluble and water-soluble vitamins, why your body can’t make magnesium out of thin air (rude), what happens when you don’t get enough iron, and why trying to megadose your way into immortality might just make your liver quit.

We’re just going to walk through the extraordinary, invisible systems that keep you alive, one micronutrient at a time. Ready? Let’s get weirdly passionate about folate.

What Are Vitamins and Minerals, and Why Do They Matter More Than Your Favorite Streaming Service?

Vitamins and minerals are often lumped into this vague wellness category, somewhere between kale smoothies and yoga mats. But they’re actually way more important than that. Like, existentially important.

They’re called "micronutrients" not because they’re small in significance, but because you don’t need a ton of them. Your body requires them in tiny amounts—milligrams, micrograms—but their impact? Massive. We’re talking energy production, immune system orchestration, bone construction, hormone synthesis, and cellular damage control. Basically, if your body were a rock band, vitamins and minerals would be the sound crew, the drummer, the lighting tech, and the guy who makes sure the lead singer doesn’t pass out mid-set.

There are 13 officially recognized vitamins—A, C, D, E, K, and the B-complex squad: B1 (thiamin), B2 (riboflavin), B3 (niacin), B5 (pantothenic acid), B6 (pyridoxine), B7 (biotin), B9 (folate), and B12 (cobalamin). And then there’s a whole host of minerals: calcium, phosphorus, magnesium, potassium, iron, zinc, iodine, selenium, copper, manganese... basically, if it sounds like something you’d find in a science fair volcano, your body probably needs it.

The catch? Your body can’t make most of these things on its own. It’s like showing up to build IKEA furniture and realizing you’ve got the shelves and no screws. You’ve got to bring them in from the outside—aka, your diet.

And while we’re not in the business of fear, it’s important to know this: when you don’t get enough of these nutrients, your body notices. Bad things start to happen. Fatigue. Weakness. Confusion. Brittle bones. An immune system that panics at the sight of a sneeze. The stakes are higher than we often admit.

So yeah, vitamins and minerals are essential. They’re small, invisible, and absolutely critical. Kind of like kindness. Or Wi-Fi.

Fat-Soluble vs. Water-Soluble Vitamins: Or, Why Vitamin D Acts Like a Squirrel Preparing for Winter

Let’s get this out of the way: all vitamins are important. But not all vitamins behave the same once they enter your body. Some are the kind that say, “I’m just here for the weekend,” and some move in, rearrange your furniture, and stick around for the foreseeable future.

The Fat-Soluble Gang (A, D, E, K)

These vitamins are like your clingy college roommate. Once they’re in, they’re in. Fat-soluble vitamins are absorbed alongside fat (so yes, eating a little healthy fat can help absorption), and then they set up shop in your liver and fat tissues.

Because your body stores them, you don’t need to ingest them every single day—but there's a dark side: they can overstay their welcome. Take too much, and your body's like, "I literally cannot handle this right now," and toxic overload becomes a thing. Hypervitaminosis, meet human error.

But when you get them in the right amounts, they’re amazing:

Vitamin A = Eyesight MVP
Vitamin D = Strong bones and mood support
Vitamin E = Your antioxidant buddy
Vitamin K = Makes sure you don’t bleed endlessly from paper cuts

The Water-Soluble Bunch (B-complex + C)

These are your minimalist vitamins. No long goodbyes. No storage drama. Once you consume them, they do their job and leave the party quickly—usually via your urine. Which is why your pee sometimes glows neon yellow after a multivitamin. (Science is wild.)

Because your body doesn’t store them, you’ve got to keep a steady intake going. But the good news is they’re less likely to build up and cause toxicity. Here’s the greatest hits list:

Vitamin C = Immune system’s hype man and antioxidant warrior

B Vitamins = Help turn food into energy, support brain function, and keep your blood doing what blood does best

TL;DR:

Fat-soluble vitamins = long-term tenants. Don’t over-invite them.
Water-soluble vitamins = friendly freelancers. Pay them often, but don’t worry about them sleeping over.

Knowing this difference matters. It tells you why you shouldn’t just chug a bottle of cod liver oil like it’s Gatorade, and why eating a balanced variety of foods regularly actually works better than playing supplement roulette.

The Mighty Minerals: Or, How Calcium and Friends Keep You from Turning Into a Blob

Let’s talk minerals. Not the sparkly kind people dig out of caves and wear as necklaces (although, yes, some of those are in your bloodstream too). We’re talking about the ones that your body uses to do everything from build bones to keep your heart from deciding it’s done working for the day.

Minerals don’t get as much PR as vitamins do—probably because it’s hard to make iron or selenium sound exciting unless you’re really into metallurgy. But trust me, your body is very into them.

Here’s what they do:

Build bones that don’t snap like dry spaghetti
Keep your nerves firing correctly (aka, making sure you don’t forget how to blink)
Balance fluids so you don’t puff up like a sponge
Power muscles, hormones, enzymes—you name it

But it gets juicier: minerals and vitamins don’t just work separately; they’re on a team. A complicated, co-dependent, sometimes drama-filled team.

Take these for example:

Vitamin D + Calcium/Phosphorus: Vitamin D is the wingman that gets calcium into your bloodstream and into your bones where it belongs.
Vitamin C + Iron: Vitamin C turns iron into a more absorbable form so your blood can keep delivering oxygen like a very punctual mail carrier.
Vitamin E + Selenium: The dynamic duo of oxidative damage protection. Like Batman and... sparkly Batman.
Zinc + Vitamin A: Zinc helps vitamin A do its job, like letting your eyes adjust to darkness so you don’t walk face-first into a doorframe at 2 AM.

The point is: these nutrients are not lone wolves. They're an ensemble cast. If you only get one or two stars, the plot doesn’t hold. You need the full cast working together.

So yes, eat your leafy greens. Not because someone on the internet told you they were good for you. But because inside every bite is a molecular support group keeping your body on the rails.

Immune System Superstars: Vitamins C & D, Your Personal Defense Avengers

Let’s start with Vitamin C, the Taylor Swift of nutrients—it’s everywhere, gets tons of buzz, and honestly, deserves most of it.

Vitamin C is your immune system’s personal cheerleader and crisis manager. It hangs out inside your white blood cells, especially the ones that rush to the scene when things get sketchy (like that cold you caught after licking the subway pole—you know who you are). And not just hanging out—it’s concentrated there at up to 100 times the level found in your bloodstream. That’s not a typo. That’s how vital it is.

It helps immune cells move faster, kill better, and take less damage from the reactive oxygen species that come flying in like microscopic shrapnel when your body fights off invaders. It also regenerates other antioxidants like vitamin E, keeping your system stocked with defenses. Basically, Vitamin C is the battlefield medic and the supply line.

Now let’s talk Vitamin D—less pop star, more secret agent.

Vitamin D doesn’t just help you absorb calcium; it also moonlights as a hormone, quietly regulating immune activity like a backstage manager with a headset. It activates important immune cells like macrophages and natural killer cells (the ones that find and destroy infected cells), but it also steps in to tell your immune system to calm the heck down when it starts getting too aggressive. This is not just good—it’s potentially life-saving, because too much immune activity can lead to inflammation storms that cause serious damage.

In short:

Vitamin C boosts your immune cells offense and defense.
Vitamin D tells the immune system when to fight and when to take a nap.

Together? They make sure you don’t go down every time someone sneezes in your direction.

B Vitamins: The Unsung Heroes of Energy and Brain Function (Who Never Get Invited to the Cool Parties)

When people talk about energy, they usually mean caffeine or motivational TikToks. But your body doesn’t run on vibes—it runs on chemical reactions. And that’s where the B vitamins come in.

B vitamins don’t give you energy directly (spoiler: only calories do that), but they’re essential for converting the food you eat into usable energy. If your metabolism were a factory, the B vitamins would be the foremen, engineers, and quality control officers.

Here’s the breakdown:

B1 (Thiamine) – Converts carbs into energy. Without it, your brain and muscles are like, “We were promised fuel.”
B2 (Riboflavin) – Supports cell function and helps metabolize fats, proteins, and carbs. Think of it as a multi-tool.
B3 (Niacin) – Involved in over 400 enzyme reactions. FOUR HUNDRED. It’s the multitasker of the crew.
B5 (Pantothenic Acid) – Needed for fatty acid synthesis, which sounds boring until you realize fats are key to building hormones and membranes.
B6 (Pyridoxine) – Helps release sugar from stored carbs and supports neurotransmitter function. Mood, energy, and memory? Yeah, B6 is in on that.
B7 (Biotin) – Supports the metabolism of fatty acids and amino acids. It also shows up in every shampoo commercial ever.

And now we arrive at the mental health side of things:

B9 (Folate) and B12 (Cobalamin) – Work together to break down homocysteine, a compound that in high levels is associated with brain fog and mood disorders. Also, B12 is crucial for myelin—the insulation around your nerves. Without it, your brain’s electrical signals would be more dial-up internet than fiber-optic.

Deficiencies in these vitamins have been linked to fatigue, cognitive issues, mood swings, and generally feeling like your brain has turned into mashed potatoes. Not fun.

The TL;DR:

B vitamins = biochemical brain fuel

Deficiency = why you sometimes stare at your fridge and forget why you opened it

So yes, eat your whole grains, legumes, leafy greens, and eggs—not just because they’re trendy, but because they contain the tiny nutrient engineers who keep your mental and physical engines humming.

Vitamin A: The Overachiever That Wants Your Eyes, Skin, and Immune System to Like It

If vitamins had yearbook superlatives, Vitamin A would be voted “Most Likely to Be Involved in Literally Everything.”

Let’s start with vision. Inside your eyeballs is a protein called rhodopsin, which you need to see in low light. Rhodopsin requires retinal, a form of vitamin A. Without enough vitamin A, your night vision tanks—meaning those midnight fridge runs get way more hazardous.

But Vitamin A doesn’t stop at vision. It also plays a big role in skin health. It helps maintain epithelial tissues (a fancy phrase for the skin and mucous membranes that form your first line of defense against germs). This is why vitamin A is often in acne creams—because it supports cell turnover and helps keep your face from going full oil-slick-meets-sandpaper.

And then there’s the immune system. Vitamin A enhances the function of white blood cells, helps regulate inflammation, and basically keeps your defense forces alert without making them overreact like a caffeine-addled raccoon.

Food sources of vitamin A are pretty diverse. You’ve got preformed vitamin A (retinol) in things like:

Liver (super rich, handle with care)
Eggs
Milk and dairy products
Oily fish

And then there are provitamin A carotenoids (like beta-carotene), which your body can convert into active vitamin A:

Carrots
Sweet potatoes
Spinach
Mangoes
Peppers

Quick warning label: Vitamin A is a fat-soluble vitamin, so too much of it (especially in supplement form) can build up and become toxic. In pregnancy, excess preformed vitamin A has been linked to birth defects.

So be cool, not cavalier. Eat a rainbow, get your greens, but maybe don’t chase vitamin A pills like they’re breath mints.

In summary:

Eyes: Check
Skin: Glowing
Immune system: Supported
Overdose risk: Real

Vitamin A is like your ambitious friend who’s good at everything—amazing to have around, as long as they don’t take over the group project.

Calcium, Magnesium, and Phosphorus: The Bone Squad You Didn’t Know You Were Counting On

If your skeleton were a skyscraper, these three minerals would be the steel beams holding the whole thing up. You can’t see them, but without them, the whole system gets very wobbly very fast.

Calcium: The Headliner

Calcium is the one everyone’s heard of—because it’s kind of a big deal. Not only is it the primary building block of your bones and teeth, it’s also involved in:

Muscle contractions (like your heart beating)
Blood clotting (so you don’t bleed forever when you stub your toe)
Nerve signaling (a.k.a. telling your hand to move before you touch the hot stove)

If your blood calcium levels drop, your body will literally steal it from your bones like a reverse Robin Hood. Which is kind of metal. And also kind of why osteoporosis exists.

Magnesium: The Chill Support System

Magnesium doesn’t get the same star power, but it’s basically the yoga teacher of minerals—it helps muscles relax, regulates nerve function, and keeps your heart rhythm steady. It’s also part of more than 300 enzyme systems that help your body make proteins, control blood sugar, and even produce DNA.

Bonus: magnesium works together with calcium to keep things balanced. Think of them as the push-pull duo keeping your muscles from turning into either stone or jelly.

Phosphorus: The Silent Partner

Phosphorus is in every single cell in your body. Seriously. Every one. It helps build strong bones and teeth, like calcium, but also forms part of ATP (your cell’s energy currency). Without phosphorus, your body would have the fuel but no way to spend it.

Where to Get This Dream Team:

Calcium: Dairy products, fortified plant milks, sardines (yes, with the bones), leafy greens, fortified cereals
Magnesium: Nuts, seeds, whole grains, legumes, leafy greens, dark chocolate (you’re welcome)
Phosphorus: Meat, dairy, legumes, nuts, whole grains

Just remember: bones are living tissue. They’re constantly being broken down and rebuilt. So it’s not just about stacking blocks once—it’s about continuous maintenance. Think of this trio as the construction crew that keeps your skeleton from going out on strike.

Trace Minerals: Tiny but Mighty (and Surprisingly Bossy)

Let’s talk about the nutrients that don’t get their name on the marquee but still run half the show behind the scenes—trace minerals. They’re called “trace” not because they’re unimportant, but because your body only needs them in small amounts. Like, teeny-tiny. But don’t let their size fool you.

Zinc: The Repair Guy

Zinc is your body’s Mr. Fix-It. It’s essential for wound healing, DNA synthesis, immune function, and cell division. It also plays a critical role in vitamin A metabolism—because apparently even nutrients need mentors.

Too little zinc? You might get more colds, have delayed wound healing, and feel generally blah. Too much? Stomach cramps, headaches, and interference with other minerals. Basically, zinc is your helpful but slightly high-maintenance friend.

Selenium: The Antioxidant Wingman

Selenium teams up with vitamin E to form a powerful antioxidant defense system that protects your cells from getting trashed by oxidative stress. It’s like the bouncer at the club, making sure free radicals don’t wreck the joint.

Also: it helps regulate thyroid hormones. Because being a trace mineral means doing ten jobs at once while still getting none of the credit.

Iodine: The Hormone Whisperer

Without iodine, your thyroid can’t make its main hormones (T3 and T4), and your metabolism slows down like a buffering video on dial-up. Iodine is especially important during pregnancy and infancy, when brain development is in overdrive.

And yes, this is why we iodize salt—because people used to get goiters, and that was not a good time.

Where to Find Them:

Zinc: Meat, shellfish, legumes, seeds, nuts, dairy
Selenium: Brazil nuts (literally one nut gives you a whole day’s worth), seafood, meats
Iodine: Iodized salt, fish, dairy, seaweed

They may be trace, but they are anything but optional. In your body’s epic survival novel, these guys are the quiet geniuses with the master plan.

Nutrient-Rich Foods: Where the Micronutrient Magic Happens

Let’s talk food—not as in recipes, but as in the actual stuff your cells are quietly begging you to eat. Every bite you take is either feeding your body’s internal Marvel Universe or starving it of key allies. Dramatic? Yes. Accurate? Also yes.

Here’s where to find the good stuff:

Basically, if your plate looks like it was inspired by a garden, a field, a coastline, and a protein aisle—you’re doing great.

Bonus tip: eating a variety of whole foods helps you absorb these nutrients better than taking them in isolation. Because nature—unlike supplement bottles—includes the full ensemble cast.

Fortified Foods: The Backup Plan That Sometimes Saves the Day

Okay, so ideally we’d all get our nutrients from whole foods grown in rich soil, under perfect sun, prepared by someone who understands both biochemistry and flavor. But life is not a wellness retreat. Life is commuting, and picky kids, and skipped lunches.

Enter: fortified foods. These are everyday foods that have had vitamins and minerals added to them—not because food companies are feeling generous, but because public health experts realized we needed help.

Commonly Fortified Foods:

Cereal (the breakfast MVP of sneaky nutrition)
Milk and plant-based milks (often fortified with calcium and vitamin D)
Bread and flour (sometimes fortified with iron and folic acid)
Salt (iodized to prevent goiter—a win for thyroids everywhere)
Spreads and margarine (often vitamin D-ified)

Why Fortify?

It Works. Studies show fortification can dramatically reduce deficiency rates—especially for iron, iodine, and vitamin D.
Low Effort, High Impact. People don’t need to change habits—just eat the cereal or use the salt.
Cost-Effective. It helps entire populations without everyone needing supplements.

Is it better than getting nutrients from whole foods? Not usually. But is it a brilliant safety net that prevents entire communities from sliding into deficiency crises? Absolutely.

So yes, eat your kale. But also, maybe high-five your fortified oat milk. It’s doing the quiet work of keeping you alive.

Deficiency Drama: When Your Body Starts Passive-Aggressively Falling Apart

Look, your body is chill—until it’s not. When you’re running low on essential vitamins or minerals, things can start to go sideways in subtle, confusing ways. One day you’re fine, the next day you’re googling “why do I feel like a sentient beanbag?”

Common Signs You Might Be Missing Something:

Fatigue that won’t quit
Dizziness or lightheadedness
Cracks at the corners of your mouth (hi, B2 deficiency)
Pale or yellowish skin
Numbness and tingling in your hands and feet (your nerves are yelling)
Brittle nails or hair loss
Brain fog and forgetfulness

These aren’t signs of “getting older” or “being busy.” They’re biochemical red flags.

For example:

Iron deficiency is the most common nutrient deficiency worldwide, especially among women and children. It can tank your energy and mess with brain function.
Vitamin D deficiency is wildly underdiagnosed and affects immune function, bone health, and mood (yes, the winter blues are partly biological).
B12 deficiency can lead to anemia, nerve damage, and memory issues. Especially if you’re vegan, over 60, or take certain medications.

And guess what? These deficiencies often overlap. One missing nutrient can mess with the absorption or function of another. It’s like a broken light switch that causes the whole house to flicker.

The Takeaway:

If your body is acting weird, don’t just push through. Your cells might be whispering (or screaming) that they need backup.

Blood tests can help. So can a registered dietitian. But the point is: nutrition matters before something goes wrong. Deficiency isn’t a failure—it’s a prompt. Time to refill the tank.

Supplements: Helpful Safety Net or Overpriced Placebo in a Fancy Bottle?

Ah, supplements. The shiny, expensive hope-in-a-bottle aisle. On one hand, they’re a modern miracle for people who need a nutritional boost. On the other hand, they can be about as useful as taking selfies to fix a broken leg if you don’t actually need them.

When You Might Actually Need Supplements:

You’re vegan (B12 is animal-based, your spinach isn’t cutting it)
You’re pregnant or breastfeeding (hello, folate and iron)
You have certain medical conditions or take meds that interfere with absorption
You live in a cloudy place and haven’t seen the sun since last summer (vitamin D, looking at you)
You’re on a super-restrictive diet and can’t get enough variety

How to Supplement Without Losing Your Mind (or Damaging Your Liver):

Get tested. Guessing leads to megadosing, and megadosing is how you end up with a vitamin A problem instead of glowing skin.
Use it as a bridge, not a crutch. Supplements are for filling gaps, not replacing whole food groups.
Watch for upper limits. More is not more. Especially with fat-soluble vitamins.
Talk to someone who knows stuff. A dietitian or doctor—not your friend Karen who sells wellness powders from her basement.

The Bottom Line:

Supplements can be lifesaving or useless depending on your situation. They’re not a magic fix. They’re a tool. And like any tool, using them without instructions might end with you hammering your thumb.

If you’re healthy and eating a varied diet? Food probably has you covered. If your body is waving red flags and your doctor agrees? Then supplement wisely.

Less hype. More balance. Your kidneys will thank you.

Final Thoughts: You Are Made of Micronutrients (and Also Feelings)

Here’s the truth that’s both sobering and comforting: your body is built from the food you eat. Not metaphorically. Literally. Every cell, every enzyme, every electric spark in your brain runs on stuff you consume.

Vitamins and minerals aren’t side characters. They’re the infrastructure, the power grid, the software and hardware keeping your human operating system online. When they’re missing, everything gets glitchy.

But the good news? Your body is resilient. It adapts. It forgives. It just needs the raw materials to keep you upright and emotionally available to scream into the void about slow internet.

So—eat the rainbow. Diversify your meals. Be curious about what’s on your plate. Learn what you need, not what a wellness influencer with a ring light told you.

And maybe next time you pick up a carrot, know that it’s not just a vegetable—it’s a vote of confidence in your cells.

Things to Think About:

Are you getting enough variety in your diet to hit all your vitamin and mineral bases?
Do you know what your last blood test said about your nutrient status?
Are you relying too heavily on supplements instead of food?
When was the last time you actually saw the sun?

This isn’t about guilt. It’s about strategy. You don’t need to eat perfectly. You just need to eat with a little more intention.

You’ve got this. And your mitochondria are rooting for you.

Bibliography